C. 9: Dealing with Compliments/Criticism
- we don't allow ourselves to take in the compliment - we deflect
Often we are taught that to talk about ourselves is arrogance, it is prideful/sinful. This makes it hard when people ask us to describe the good things about ourselves. Even if we get to the point where we say "Thanks" instead of deflecting, often it is just manners or polite social responses rather than the belief that the compliment was genuine or deserved
- we will focus on/obsess over the negative commentary
Even if a hundred people were to tell us we are great, just having one person tell us we are terrible often will cause us to believe the action/item was a failure
- self-esteem literally means what YOU think of YOU
It is hard when everyone can give their opinion on everything to keep your self-belief positive. We need to remember that just because people can give their opinions doesn't mean their opinions should matter to us.
- praising yourself is simply improving your dialogue
- you have to be your own best friend and value/praise yourself
If you wouldn't talk to your best friend like that, you shouldn't talk to yourself like that either.
- UCLA PET and brain mapping studies shows a major source of depression is caused by harsh/hurtful/critical words that we say to ourselves on a regular basis
This goes back to the fact that your brain doesn't care if it is right/wrong/true/false, the brain believes and responds to whatever you tell it.
- by the time ____ called me up and complimented me/told me how proud they were, you didn't need to hear it anymore
It's so hard when a person who you value doesn't value you back, especially in the case of parents. It is a life-long struggle for those who don't receive parental approval to fight against the instincts instilled within us as humans. It is harder to say that their opinions don't matter, because often times it does, even when it shouldn't. Also it is hard to come to the point in our lives where you give up trying to win the approval. It is often bittersweet when we receive the approval, because by that point, we no longer want/need it, we have become able to validate ourselves.
- you can undo years of criticism/lack of love with self-love and self-praise
- "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt
I love this quote. You can't make me feel bad if I don't value your opinion/believe you.
- Tactics for dealing with critical people
- "Thank you for sharing that"
- "I didn't catch what you said, can you repeat it?
- "Did you just say that to make me feel bad?
- "Criticizing other is a reflection of your own dissatisfaction"
