My sisters and I have continued our book on our journey to self-improvement.
Ch. 3: Defeating old beliefs/habits:
You do have to stick with it for a while, as the familiar kicks in with repetition - and then you get rewarded.
- It takes 21 days to break a habit...
We are constantly re-learning what's familiar.
She was falling for the familiar, even though the familiar was a terrible choice for her.
- It's very easy to fall back into old habits, even when they aren't good for you.
The point is to familiarized the sound of praise to yourself.
- Mantras
- Praise yourself every day in the place of self-criticism
- I think that self-criticism is sometimes hard to recognize.
Pick one thing that you're going to stick to for a week.
- Boundaries
It is likely that your mother or father or grandparents instilled in you their own sense of shame about not measuring up, and then made it so familiar to you that you feel as though it is yours.
- They hated the way they were raised but they are doing the exact same thing to their kids.
- If you hate the way you were raised, make a conscious effort to do the complete opposite when you raise your kids.
Express your feelings as close to a triggering event occurring as possible
- you always have the option of going somewhere private and expressing your hurt out loud
- you can say it in private when you are alone or driving your car (you hurt my feelings when...)
3 Beliefs:
- I am not enough
- I want something but it's not available to me.
- Why do I believe that? Where did that belief come from? Who gave it to me? Who gave it to them? Why am I still believing it all these years later?
- I am different so I can't connect (so it's hard for me to have love because I am different).
- Why do you feel different?
Counter Mantra:
I am enough; I am here with something valuable to offer. Love, happiness and success are available to me. I connect with people easily because I belong to life and I am always supported by the universe.
Ch. 4: Do what you hate/dislike, get it done first
- the things that cause you annoyance, discomfort or pain; lessen their power by getting them done first and getting them out of the way
- "choosing" to do what you hate
- Doing what you hate first shouldn't be exhausting/debilitating but rather energizing
- If talking to your colleagues/boss makes you feel abused/disrespected, don't do that first - don't do that at all!
Life will always come with adversity, drudgery and things you don't enjoy
- a bit of pain/discomfort is needed to experience true joy but don't allow the pain/discomfort to rule your life
A Cue, a behavior, a reward
- I am choosing to do this first, for the feeling of the reward I get
- feeling of accomplishment
- doing what I don't want to do first is how I get membership to the success club
3 P's
- If it is not PPP all the time, it can't hurt you unless you let it
- Permanent: If it's not permanent, you can get through it if it's in service to the goal.
- Perseverance can get you thru
- Personal: Can you alone fix it?
- If you are being mistreated/abused by another person, that is NOT something you should power thru since it is not entirely in your control.
- Pervasive: annoyance rather than structural life issues
- If what you hate is taking over every facet of your life, don't prioritize it - change it!
