Recently, I have been struggling with life. #lifehappens
I recently heard about a podcast: Where Should We Begin? by Ester Perel.
I started listening to the episodes and this is what I've gotten from this episode:
One wants to connect to their partner and the other wants to connect to themselves.
At the end of the day I just want to be in an isolation chamber and don't talk to me.
One half of the couple nurtures the couple, the other half of the couple nurtures the children.
I feel like life gets so busy the only time I have seems to be taken up with work, the house, children, etc. so when is it time for us?
Any asking is begging?
This bothers me a lot. If you ask and I say no, then I'm the bad guy. But every time you ask, you are begging. I should just tell you no. I'm not a mind reader so how would I know what you want. I may know a lot about you because I listen and remember but I don't live in your head. I don't know what you think.
I've never learned to ask but I don't really know what I want.
It's hard to know what I want, it changes often. Even so, I am often not willing to ask for it as it doesn't feel worth the hassle or argument in order to get what I want. It's better to ask forgiveness than permission?
Today you can do this, send the caretaker away. You are a competent adult and do not need to be micromanaged.
This is hard for me. I have a "If I don't do it, it won't get done..." mentality. I'm working on it by reminding myself that it will still be there tomorrow... (new mantra)
There needs to be space between how I am taking care of others and a space to have permission for my own needs. This creates a path for desire.
As a mother, wife, worker, etc. I constantly feel guilty when I take time for me. When I started declaring I needed "me time" it became an issue that we fight over. Even months after starting a long term commitment (Thursday night is my night), I still get the squabbles about how this required time away is such a hardship on the family.
Stay away from numbers, there is no measuring. "We still have it"
It is about the connection, not the schedule. Quality over quantity.
Sexuality about loneliness, intimacy, connection, longing, connection. Lovers as well as parents.
It's not about the act. It's about the feeling. If you aren't feeling it, you can't give/act upon it.
Overall Lesson:
Don't forget to give attention to your spouse. Children will always need you but it's ok to say wait.
