I recently heard about a podcast: Where Should We Begin? by Ester Perel.
I started listening to the episodes and this is what I've gotten from this episode:
I don't think it's physical fidelity that causes the most issues within marriages, it's the emotional fidelity.
I think this is accurate. No one person fulfills all our needs. Therefore, we seek different feedback from different people in our lives. It's very easy to spend more time, energy, etc. with a person who it is easy to get along with, someone who understands you. This person may not always be your spouse. This is where the slippery slope comes in, especially in friends who you could become attracted to. It is easy to convince yourself that the friendship you value is worth more than the person who you fight with all the time, even if that person is your significant other.
It's so easy to let life get in the way, you're so busy working to provide that you are no longer connected.
This one hit me especially hard. There is always more month than money. It's so easy to get caught up in bills, children, work, etc. that you don't appreciate your partner, instead they become part of the problem. You don't make enough in a single income home most of the time in order to cover the expenses of a 4 person family, unless you have a great paying career. For someone who doesn't have lofty ambitions, it feels like a struggle just to make it paycheck to paycheck with 2 incomes.
"Whatever we could give you." What little we can manage with young children is just not enough.
No one likes feeling like they are given leftovers. It's especially hard when you have young children who never seem to not need you. It's easy to get caught up in life and schedules and caregiving that you don't have anything left at the end of the day. This is usually the time you can finally spend time with your spouse (at least in our home) and at that point, you are just zoned out. You don't have time for real conversation, you fall asleep while your partner is talking or you just don't want to bother putting forth the effort at that point.
So how do you balance children, spouses, work, your own needs and still manage to provide enough to
support a family? #lifegoals
I started designating time for me. (Thursday nights) I started encouraging him to take time for him. (Saturday nights) While this worked for me, he just couldn't make it work for him.
- Update: 9/1/2020: Lately, I have started making sure that M-W, I try to make time for hubby and I to talk or rehash our day before falling asleep. Sometimes it works; some times it doesn't. It's a work in progress.
What can I do today to make you happy?
This is hard. It changes day to day. The biggest issue at the moment seems to be lack of attention, not feeling seen/heard.
What changes can I make in my life to reduce the depression and anxiety without medication? (Supplements, Counseling, Creative outlets)
- Game on Thursday
- Spend time with hubby on Saturdays
- Organize the room and storage
- Catch up on work so my work area doesn't feel so messy
- Re-organize my work/home desk
- Update: 8/28/2020: Dr. started me on new meds. This has reduced my migraines from 3/week to 1/week. I am taking supplements, PRN for migraines and a everyday med to help with insomnia, depression and migraines. While I am not a fan of meds, this regime along with being more aware of my body's needs has made a huge difference in my ability to manage my days.
Overall Lesson: Balance
