tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8981401308587502862024-03-13T11:45:45.736-07:00 Discussions with DemonsWhere Ninnian and Flaafazag discuss books, role playing and random thoughts.Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comBlogger316125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-59091747888538529742021-03-06T18:53:00.073-07:002021-03-06T20:01:26.001-07:00c. 9: I am Enough by Marisa Peers My sisters and I have continued our book on our journey to self-improvement.<span><a name='more'></a></span><div>C. 9: Dealing with Compliments/Criticism<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>we don't allow ourselves to take in the compliment - we deflect</li></ul></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Often we are taught that to talk about ourselves is arrogance, it is prideful/sinful. This makes it hard when people ask us to describe the good things about ourselves. Even if we get to the point where we say "Thanks" instead of deflecting, often it is just manners or polite social responses rather than the belief that the compliment was genuine or deserved </div></blockquote><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>we will focus on/obsess over the negative commentary</li></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Even if a hundred people were to tell us we are great, just having one person tell us we are terrible often will cause us to believe the action/item was a failure</div></blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>self-esteem literally means what YOU think of YOU</li></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">It is hard when everyone can give their opinion on everything to keep your self-belief positive. We need to remember that just because people can give their opinions doesn't mean their opinions should matter to us.</div></blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>praising yourself is simply improving your dialogue</li><ul><li>you have to be your own best friend and value/praise yourself</li></ul></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">If you wouldn't talk to your best friend like that, you shouldn't talk to yourself like that either.</div></blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>UCLA PET and brain mapping studies shows a major source of depression is caused by harsh/hurtful/critical words that we say to ourselves on a regular basis</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">This goes back to the fact that your brain doesn't care if it is right/wrong/true/false, the brain believes and responds to whatever you tell it.</div></blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>by the time ____ called me up and complimented me/told me how proud they were, you didn't need to hear it anymore</li></ul></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div><div style="text-align: left;">It's so hard when a person who you value doesn't value you back, especially in the case of parents. It is a life-long struggle for those who don't receive parental approval to fight against the instincts instilled within us as humans. It is harder to say that their opinions don't matter, because often times it does, even when it shouldn't. Also it is hard to come to the point in our lives where you give up trying to win the approval. It is often bittersweet when we receive the approval, because by that point, we no longer want/need it, we have become able to validate ourselves.</div></div></blockquote><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>you can undo years of criticism/lack of love with self-love and self-praise</li><ul><li>"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt</li></ul></ul></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">I love this quote. You can't make me feel bad if I don't value your opinion/believe you.</div></blockquote><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Tactics for dealing with critical people</li><ul><li>"Thank you for sharing that"</li><li>"I didn't catch what you said, can you repeat it?</li><li>"Did you just say that to make me feel bad?</li><li>"Criticizing other is a reflection of your own dissatisfaction"</li></ul></ul></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-88210232927610071192021-02-28T18:50:00.071-07:002021-03-06T20:10:54.801-07:00c. 8: I am Enough by Marisa Peers<p> My sisters and I have continued our book on our journey to self-improvement.</p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p></p>C. 8: I am enough<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Children have one job: seek/receive approval/love from their parents</li><ul><li>when not given, traumatic/disorienting - children are unable to rationalize</li><ul><li>fundamental/deeply held</li></ul></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">This is often something that lingers with us subconsciously. It is easy to say, I raised myself, or my parents didn't want me. It is much harder to live that reality.</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>impossible for a child to understand their parents are flawed</li><ul><li>they are loveable even if their parent does not love them</li><li>internalize the belief: they must not be loveable/enough</li></ul></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Children are born with the instincts to bond - this is a survival instinct (safety in numbers) deeply ingrained in the primal mind. It is hardwired into a person's brain and therefore when this instinct is not fulfilled the mind must find a way to make the reality fit into their world view. This often makes them believe they must be the one with the flaw, especially if they are unable to identify/verify this reality with their social peers</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>to children, a parent is the one person who is supposed to love them no matter what</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Children internalize and learn from what they see, hear, and are taught. If you reject a person enough, their brain/body will protect them from further harm. It may save them physically but will damage them emotionally.</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>"can't get enough" of a substance/habit doesn't feel like they are enough</li><ul><li>self-medicating</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">If I can just reach/get ______, I will be happy/successful/etc</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>once people achieve success but still don't feel like enough</li><ul><li>there is nothing left to achieve</li><li>give up any sense that they will ever feel enough</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Well, I've completed all my plans/dreams/etc, where do I go from here? What is there left to accomplish?</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>the universe wanted you</li><ul><li>every single person on the planet, by virtue of their existence, is enough and worthy of love</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">You are wanted and loved, just by being born.</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>tell yourself "you are enough" regularly</li><ul><li>you will know with unshakable conviction that you deserve it and are worthy</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">The mind responds to words, right/wrong/true/false. If you tell yourself you are enough, you will believe that you are enough.</blockquote><p></p>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-4680727140276741982021-02-14T18:49:00.131-07:002021-03-06T20:23:05.104-07:00c.6-7: I am Enough by Marisa Peers<p> My sisters and I have continued our book on our journey to self-improvement.</p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p>C. 6: Marshmallow Experiment<br /></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>good things don't happen over night</li></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Change takes time.</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>the cool system (angel) vs hot system (devil)</li></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">The angel/devil on your shoulders</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>quality of life has suffered enormously due to the blurred lines between work, rest, & play</li></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">I agree, not having boundaries means that there is not way to tell the difference between work/rest/play. My work calls me at 2AM. I answer because I am salaried, I'm never off the clock. How do I decompress after work, I still have to do "mom work". There is no rest. If I'm not at work, I'm working at home. Day off, what is a day off? </blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>The people who enjoy life the most have learned how to both delay gratification and savor the rewards, big and small, when they come. </li><li>their failure to reap the rewards once they've done the work</li><ul><li>it's vital to reward yourself on the way to becoming successful</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">We are so busy trying to completed task/to-do lists that we don't appreciate/congratulate ourselves when we have completed a task. It is just on to the next item on our lists. This means that we aren't giving ourselves praise or appreciating how much work it took to get the job completed.</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>5 hour rule - for an hour a day invest in compound time</li><ul><li>you are not "wasting time"</li><li>step away from your 'to-do' list and invest in your future</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Resting is not a waste of time. It is easy to get lost in the list of things we have to do today. If we don't complete it, will it still be there tomorrow? Conversely, if you don't rest/give your body a break, will you be here tomorrow?</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>"The Healing Vortex"</li></ul><div>C. 7: The struggle (with food) is real</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>inherited shame</li><ul><li>"sneak" snacks/food you love to eat them, to be "good"</li><li>finish what was on your plate, even if you weren't hungry to avoid wasting food</li><li>our relationship with food is deeply embedded</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Often we are taught as children that not finishing what is on our plates is wasteful and not ok. "Children are starving all over the world and you don't appreciate how good you have it." </div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">"I worked hard to provide that food on the table and you will eat every bite." </div></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">"We do not waste food in this house, it cost too much." </div></blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>"chocolate has been in my life... It's always going to be available."</li><ul><li>"no one is stopping me or shaming me for eating ____, but today I'm choosing something healthier"</li><li>"_______ will always be there. But today I don't need them."</li><li>you can choose to wait until you can eat healthier food</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">I'm an adult and can have whatever food I want. If you want to eat it, you can. There is no shame/blame/guilt for eating desert first or having a treat. But just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Remember that what you put into your body is fuel and while a treat is nice sometimes, you need healthier food to fuel your activities.</div></blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Food hacks</li><ul><li>Reduce your exposure to tempting stimuli</li><ul><li>don't have treats or temptations in your house</li><li>avoid all-you-can-eat buffets/bottomless bread basket</li></ul><li>avoid too much variety</li><li>stop using food as a reward (see it as such)</li><ul><li>buy a treat</li><li>go for a walk</li><li>prepare a nice fruit salad/latte</li></ul><li>improve the quality of foods</li><ul><li>Does it roam?</li><li>Can you recognize it?</li><li>Can you eat it raw?</li><li>Does it rot?</li><li>Can you recreate it at home?</li></ul><li>eat like a caveman</li><ul><li>fresh meat/fish</li><li>vegetable/fruits</li><li>nuts/seeds</li><li>eggs</li></ul><li>if struggling with your weight, be kind to yourself</li></ul></ul><div>Remember that change is slow and words can hurt. Work on what you can and make small changes to help you stay on track. If you slip up, remember, we are working towards progress, not perfection. Try to eat a little better each day and soon you will find that you are not interested in sugary snacks/cookies/etc as much. Also your definition of snack/treat may change.</div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Rules of your mind</li><ul><li>act in a way that consistently matches our thinking</li><li>emotion always wins</li><li>mind is hardwired to resist what is unfamiliar and to return to what is familiar</li><li>your mind acts on your words regardless of truth/falsehood/healthy/unhealthy/right/wrong</li><li>your mind does not recognize neutral words like don't, can't, no, not, later, maybe, tomorrow</li></ul></ul></div><p></p>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-62366298089285526962021-02-06T20:33:00.092-07:002021-03-06T20:33:48.554-07:00C. 5: I am Enough by Marisa Peers<p> My sisters and I have continued our book on our journey to self-improvement.</p><span><a name='more'></a></span>Review: <br /><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Tell your mind exactly what you want it to do, complete with up-to-date and relevant language</li><li>Take responsibility for the words and pictures and pictures in your head</li><li>Make the familiar unfamiliar and vice versa.</li><li>Take a specific action to take every day.</li></ol>C. 5: There are no shortcuts<br /><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>If you repeat anything often enough, whether it's good or bad, you can instill it in your brain.</li></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">The brain doesn't care if what it is, just that you said it.</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Do one thing each day in the direction of your dreams</li><ul><li>Doing one small thing every day in service of your dream, even if it's just for a few minutes</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">This helps to keep you moving forward, even if it is baby steps. Right now, I am working on languages on Duolingo. Each day, I take 5 minutes and complete a lesson. When I'm waiting on the car to warm up, when I'm in the bathroom, when I'm waiting on my food at the drive thru, all of these are plenty of time to do a quick lesson. This helps me to keep moving towards my desire to learn a new language. A small step that I can complete each day and feel accomplished, even if nothing else in my day goes right.</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Starting the day by getting your least favorite task out of the way first</li></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Note: this should be something that makes you feel accomplished when you complete it. If the task doesn't make you feel accomplished upon completion, maybe that task needs to be changed or removed in the best interest of your own mental health.</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Sticking to your goals: no single shortcut </li></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Small baby steps forward. Slow and steady wins the race. </blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Guarantee: If you show up to something, each and every day, you're guaranteed to get closer to it. If you don't, you won't.</li><ul><li>"Persistence can change failure into extraordinary achievement" - Matt Biondi (Olympic swimmer)</li><li>Show up and you'll see results</li><li>Be specific and relentlessly show up</li></ul></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Some days, it is all I can do just to show up. Some days, that's all you have to do - show up.</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Movement manifests motivation</li><li>choosing to commit to something that is going to make you feel like winner and move you towards your goals</li></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">"If you believe that you can or believe that you can't, you're right"</blockquote><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>accountability mechanism</li></ul><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">It is easier to keep on track, if you include accountability built in. Create your task around a built in incentive. Each day I do my language course, I add to my "hot streak". "You have built up an ____ day streak." After putting in all that work for the last ____ days, it seems stupid to have to start over. It would be better/easier to take the 5 minutes and do the lesson than it would to take the days to rebuild the hot streak. </blockquote><br />Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-35231590552951848652021-01-31T17:35:00.001-07:002021-01-31T17:40:56.098-07:00Ch. 3-4: I am Enough by Marisa Peer<p>My sisters and I have continued our book on our journey to self-improvement.</p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p>Ch. 3: Defeating old beliefs/habits:</p><p>You do have to stick with it for a while, as the familiar kicks in with repetition - and then you get rewarded.</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>It takes 21 days to break a habit...</li></ul><div>We are constantly re-learning what's familiar.</div><div><br /></div><div>She was falling for the familiar, even though the familiar was a terrible choice for her.</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>It's very easy to fall back into old habits, even when they aren't good for you.</li></ul><div>The point is to familiarized the sound of praise to yourself. </div></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Mantras</li><li>Praise yourself every day in the place of self-criticism</li><ul><li>I think that self-criticism is sometimes hard to recognize. </li></ul></ul><div>Pick one thing that you're going to stick to for a week.</div></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Boundaries</li></ul></div><p></p><p>It is likely that your mother or father or grandparents instilled in you their own sense of shame about not measuring up, and then made it so familiar to you that you feel as though it is yours.</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>They hated the way they were raised but they are doing the exact same thing to their kids.</li><li>If you hate the way you were raised, make a conscious effort to do the complete opposite when you raise your kids.</li></ul><div>Express your feelings as close to a triggering event occurring as possible</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>you always have the option of going somewhere private and expressing your hurt out loud</li><ul><li>you can say it in private when you are alone or driving your car (you hurt my feelings when...)</li></ul></ul><div>3 Beliefs:</div></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I am not enough</li><li>I want something but it's not available to me.</li><ul><li>Why do I believe that? Where did that belief come from? Who gave it to me? Who gave it to them? Why am I still believing it all these years later?</li></ul><li>I am different so I can't connect (so it's hard for me to have love because I am different).</li><ul><li>Why do you feel different?</li></ul></ul><div>Counter Mantra:</div></div><div>I am enough; I am here with something valuable to offer. Love, happiness and success are available to me. I connect with people easily because I belong to life and I am always supported by the universe.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Ch. 4: Do what you hate/dislike, get it done first</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>the things that cause you annoyance, discomfort or pain; lessen their power by getting them done first and getting them out of the way<br /></li><li>"choosing" to do what you hate</li><li>Doing what you hate first shouldn't be exhausting/debilitating but rather energizing </li><ul><li>If talking to your colleagues/boss makes you feel abused/disrespected, don't do that first - don't do that at all!</li></ul></ul><div>Life will always come with adversity, drudgery and things you don't enjoy</div></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>a bit of pain/discomfort is needed to experience true joy but don't allow the pain/discomfort to rule your life</li></ul><div>A Cue, a behavior, a reward</div></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I am choosing to do this first, for the feeling of the reward I get</li><ul><li>feeling of accomplishment</li></ul><li>doing what I don't want to do first is how I get membership to the success club</li></ul><div>3 P's</div></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>If it is not PPP all the time, it can't hurt you unless you let it</li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Permanent: If it's not permanent, you can get through it if it's in service to the goal. </li><ul><li>Perseverance can get you thru</li></ul><li>Personal: Can you alone fix it? </li><ul><li>If you are being mistreated/abused by another person, that is NOT something you should power thru since it is not entirely in your control.</li></ul><li>Pervasive: annoyance rather than structural life issues</li><ul><li>If what you hate is taking over every facet of your life, don't prioritize it - change it!</li></ul></ul></div><p></p>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-27163421139468158862021-01-28T17:38:00.009-07:002021-01-31T17:39:59.326-07:00The Year Without A Santa<div>Found the story: The year without a Santa</div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div>Every 1st of December the magic of Christmas settles its mantle of power on a Klaus. Male or female, didn't matter, all the magic cared about was who was the jolliest elf.</div><div>By the 5th of December, the person began to get rounder.</div><div>By the 10th of December, their eyes twinkled.</div><div>By the 15th, their cheeks became rosy.</div><div>By the 20th, their body was plump and their dimples, merry.</div><div>By the 23rd, their "Ho, Ho, Ho" could be heard throughout the North Pole. </div><div><br /></div><div>But this year, this year was different. The 1st of December came and no one felt different. The 5th of December came, no one got rounder. By the end of the first week, the Klaus family was beginning to panic. They raced to the vault. Mama carefully lifted out the family tree.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Look Mama" said Holly, the oldest of the girls, "in the corner". Mama looked and sure enough, in the corner was a shimmer around a portrait they didn't recognize. </div><div><br /></div><div>Nicholas Klaus (adopted by Jack Frost)</div><div><br /></div><div>"Oh boy" said Papa "this is gonna be a tough one".</div><div><br /></div><div>"What do you mean, Papa" said Little Jack, the youngest of the boys. "Just call Uncle Jack and ask him"</div><div><br /></div><div>Mama and Papa exchanged a look with Merry, their middle daughter. She sighed, "I'll go Skype him."</div><div><br /></div><div>Other side of the North Pole</div><div><br /></div><div>"Merry, long time , no see" said Jack cheerfully.</div><div>"It's bad, Jack."</div><div>Jack's brow furrowed. "What's bad?"</div><div>"The magic of Christmas has chosen Nicholas."</div><div>"What! How can that be? He has nothing to do with the North Pole or the Klaus family."</div><div>"It gets worse. The book shows our connection"</div><div>"Oh, Merry. Come home, love. We'll talk more when I can hold you." Jack disconnected the call.</div><div><br /></div><div>Beside Merry a single snowflake floated to the desk. Picking it up, she went in search of her family.</div><div><br /></div><div>"Mama, Papa, I'll be back tomorrow."</div><div>"Do you need a ride?"</div><div>"No, Jack..." Merry's voice trailed off.</div><div>They nodded. "We'll talk tomorrow". Giving her a hug, they rejoined Holly and little Jack in the dining room.</div><div><br /></div><div>Kissing the snowflake, Merry opened her eyes. Seeing the tears trailing down her cheeks, Jack scooped her up.</div><div>"Oh, Merry, what's wrong?"</div><div>"Nothing, I just missed you."</div><div>"It's only been a couple of days, Merry. What has you this upset? Did they give you a hard time about the baby?"</div><div><br /></div><div>Added 1/28/21:</div><div><br /></div><div>"No," said Merry, "I hadn't even gotten to talk to them about it yet. All they can see is that we are bound. Unfortunately, with this whole Nicolas business, we will just have to call him home. I know he doesn't want to come deal with all of this but I just can't do this without you. You know the doctors said it was a miracle we were able to even get pregnant. They said to keep my stress levels down and you need to be close in case the baby starts to freeze me from the inside out."</div><div><br /></div><div>"I know", sighed Jack "We were hoping to wait to tell Nick until after the holidays when the first trimester was over, but it looks like we have no choice but to call him now."</div><div><br /></div><div>Somewhere in the snowy Mid-West</div><div><br /></div><div>"Hey, dad, what the hell is going on?" Nicolas greeted his adoptive father. "Something is seriously wrong with me. The coach is rabid. I put on some serious weight, and it's not muscle".</div><div><br /></div><div>Jack looked at his son, "Wow, Nick. I can see that the coach is right. Can you come home? I know that the school has winter break coming up soon but can you come now? Are you all done with your classes? If you can talk to your coach, let him know you will be back by the start of next semester but you have a family emergency that you need to attend, immediately."</div><div><br /></div><div>Nick starts to look worried. "Sure dad, I can come home. Give me a couple of day and I will be able to catch a flight."</div><div><br /></div><div>Jack looked at his son. "I will send a snowflake, it will be faster. The sooner you can get here, the better"</div><div><br /></div><div>Nick's eyes grow wide. "Ok, give me a couple of hours and I'll be in the apartment off campus. Just send it through the mail slot. I'll be home soon. Love you."</div><div><br /></div><div>Jack release a deep breath. "Love you too. See you soon".</div><div><br /></div><div>After hanging up the video call, Jack looked in on Merry, who was sleeping in the bedroom. Please let this go smoothly, prayed Jack. After giving Merry a quick kiss on the forehead, Jack strode outside to send his son a snowflake to come home. </div><div><br /></div><div>Two hours later, somewhere in the snowy Mid-West</div><div>Nicolas was just picking up his bag when a snowflake floated through the mail slot of his apartment. Here goes nothing, he thought. Placing the snowflake on his tongue, he closed his eyes. Moments later, he was standing outside of his father's house. Knocking, he twisted the doorknob and walked inside.</div><div><br /></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-34472491889132518642021-01-28T17:36:00.007-07:002021-01-31T17:40:15.038-07:00Black Lions<span>Found some of my older stories the other day. </span><div><span><br /><a name='more'></a></span><div>Upon noticing that the black lioness was similar to the cub, I stopped swinging the dragon sword. I watched her (a human) run to the cub and scoop him up in her arms. </div><div><br /></div><div>"Stop" I told her. She turned to me with the black lion cub in her hands. "You must give him back to his mother."</div><div><br /></div><div>Reluctantly, she set down the cub and walked past me. The cub scrambled up the bookshelves, his mother walking after him. </div><div><br /></div><div>I turned and walked away, only to come across a golden lioness. She looked terrified but defiant. I turned just in time to see the black lion alpha stalk towards the area that held the black lioness and their cub. I moved closer to see him. </div><div><br /></div><div>Coming around the corner of the bookshelf, I heard, "Do not threaten him" the black lion said angerly. In reply, the black lioness became more alert, the only sign of agitation, her swinging tail.</div><div><br /></div><div>"He needs a real mother, Nalia, not a selfish bitch." After this statement, his eyes went dark and within a blink of an eye, he had ripped out her throat. A few shelves over, I heard an anguished roar. I raised my sword in preparation to strike. </div><div><br /></div><div>He turned to me. "You dare to strike at me", he demanded, tension radiating between us.</div><div>"If I must", I said, poised to defend. "He must leave. Now, there is one who comes to kill him." I could feel the animosity pouring off the golden lioness as she stalked towards us, intent on killing the cub. </div><div><br /></div><div>The black lion jumped on the top of the bookshelf next to the one I was guarding. The black lion cub was shivering on top of the shelf.</div><div><br /></div><div>The golden lioness lunged, intent on killing me to get to the alpha's son. We clashed. My dragon sword against her razor sharp claws. Strike after strike, growing more weary with each contact. Eventually, she stumbled. I brought my sword down on her neck, shearing (severing) her head from her body. </div><div><br /></div><div>Her (a human) came running up, skidding to a halt when she saw my standing over the dead lioness. "We need to go, the guys are looking for you everywhere," she said.</div><div><br /></div><div>"One minute. I need to talk to someone." I said turning to look where the cub had been. The black lion and his cub were gone. "Never mind, let's go."</div></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-32638035871415101182021-01-01T17:49:00.007-07:002021-01-09T18:06:49.355-07:00Prompt: Ms. Kringle and Krampus fall in love -Jack/Joy/Noel<div>For a very long time, Noel and Joy, better known as Mr. and Mrs. Claus had been married. </div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div><br /></div><div>His brother, Jack, often called Krampus was more of an angry, cranky sort. The problem was that over the years, Joy had often wondered if things would have been different if she had chosen Jack instead of his younger brother Noel. </div><div><br /></div><div>Noel, who was not as oblivious as many thought, loved both his brother and his wife and often saw the covert looks exchanged between them. He too often wondered if their lives would have been different if Joy had chosen Jack. </div><div><br /></div><div>Jack, bitter and angry about being passed over for his younger brother Noel, the golden brother. Most of all, he was heartbroken that his love, Joy, had chosen Noel instead of him. Even still, Jack loved his little brother and would never cross the line nor attempt to steal Joy away from Noel. Though he was hurt by the fact that Joy married Noel, even he, with all his bitterness could see that she loved Noel. </div><div><br /></div><div>3 Christmas wishes. Jack wishes for Noel to be his without hurting his brother or Joy. Noel wishes for his brother, Jack and his wife, Joy to be happy. Joy wishes to be able to love both Noel and Jack for a lifetime.</div><div><br /></div><div>A little extra Christmas Magic from Mother Nature gives all three of them their wish. </div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-30944551217878030562020-12-26T20:05:00.003-07:002021-03-06T20:34:43.627-07:00Ch. 2: I am Enough by Marisa PeerMy sisters and I have continued our book on our journey to self-improvement<br /><div><br /></div><div>My older sister picked out I am Enough by Marisa Peer. This week we are reading Chapter 2.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have made the following notes while I was reading:</div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>They simply judge their feelings by exactly what's happening to them in the present moment.</li><ul><li>This is something I need to work on.</li></ul></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>If you use the wrong words, you create the wrong reality.</li><ul><li>beliefs become thoughts, thoughts become words, words become actions</li></ul></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Lie to your mind, cheat fear, and steal back the phenomenal confidence you were born with.</li><ul><li>placebo effect</li></ul></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>It's about actively reframing the events of your life to reflect a different, more realistic picture.</li><ul><li>"I have phenomenal coping skills."</li><li>"I can get through the day in a manageable fashion."</li></ul></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Your mind's job is to act on the words you tell it and to use those words to form a blueprint that it must take you towards. Your job is to give your mind much more powerful, descriptive and positive words. Your mind is doing its job, so do your job and give it better instructions all the time.</li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>It's time for you to be a better friend to <i>you </i>by ending all the self-criticism and name calling.</li><ul><li>If you wouldn't talk to your friend that way, why is it ok to talk to yourself that way?</li><li>...one thing you can't choose is the effect negative thoughts have on your mind and body...</li></ul></ul></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-31047660350557725062020-12-18T17:45:00.015-07:002021-01-31T17:41:37.369-07:00Vivid Dream<div>Had a strange dream...</div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div>Woman reading "The Negotiator's Woman". Woman finds a broken/beaten man in a generator room. Nurses him back to health. Reads to him while holding his broken body. Stroking his head and face. Finds out the purple couple have put him in here (Zeus v Hades?). She helps him "rescue" the dragon eggs prior to corruption (gold to purple). </div><div>Post apocalyptic US (leader of US raises two golden dragon fraternal twins). they all end up in the generator room (now with a hot tub?). (Purple has been trying to save the beaten man since beginning) Woman has been checking in on all the dragons (gold/purple) and giving them pieces of her heart (Dragonheart ref) until she has only one left. She helps to rescue them (as eggs) like she did with him (broken/beaten man) and place them where they need to be/who they need to be with. (loving aunt) </div><div><br /></div><div>Behind the tub is a bag ("look my stuff is still here" (recognizes the book "The Negotiator's Woman" in the bag, many years seem to have passed in that time). She reads to him from his arms this time. Stroking his face. Give it to the broken/beaten man (she has followed him thru history/time saving him & teaching him compassion/humanity). Each time they hold hands and she makes him promise to never leave her. Hands held entwined between them connecting them heart to heart. (He leaves her every time - forgets compassion/goes on rampage..etc) This time she gives him the last piece of her heart so the compassion/humanity lasts, she can't keep going, she's given all she can give. She dies in his arms, with the leader and golden twins watching. </div><div><br />Cut to newscast via radio (1969/war of the worlds ref) speaking of how the leader (Tommy) of the US was a great man and struggled against the odds to do great things and how it is a shame that it took until the end in order for people to recognize that. (Eulogy) (8hr long)</div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-23763888952303825262020-12-08T19:56:00.050-07:002021-01-31T17:41:49.086-07:00Intro & Ch 1: I am Enough by Marisa Peer My sisters and I have started a new book on our journey to self-improvement.<div><br /></div><div>My older sister picked out I am Enough by Marisa Peer. This week we are reading the Introduction and Chapter 1.</div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div>I have made the following notes while I was reading:</div><div><br /></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>2 Emotional needs</li></ul></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Find connection</li><li>Avoid rejection</li></ol></div></blockquote><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>3 archetypes</li></ul><ol style="text-align: left;"><ol><li>want it all but attain none</li><li>have some but self-sabotage</li><ul><li>I think I fall into the "have some but self-sabotage" category</li></ul><li>have some and share</li></ol></ol><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>You can't always change your situation but you can always change how you respond to it.</li><ul><li>I have heard of and will tell others "you can't change how they act only how you respond".</li></ul><li>Muscle testing </li><li>The mind listens to the words and the body reacts.</li><ul><li>Often I have found myself getting worked up and escalating of things that I shouldn't. This is making me realize that I am kickstarting my fight/flight response.</li></ul><li>Reframe your reality (Is it really the worst day ever?)</li><ul><li>Often I have found myself exaggerating my circumstances in my mind. This is one I'm really going to have to work on.</li></ul><li>It is not changing, it is "updating"<br /></li><ul><li>Change is hard and often times it results in failure as I am unable/unwilling to finish. I start off well but then get distracted. I think changing my though process on this to updating and a work in progress rather than an end result could be helpful to manage my stress regarding change.</li></ul></ul></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-50707024904333277202020-12-08T17:56:00.004-07:002021-01-09T18:02:02.277-07:00Updated: The Werewolf QueenFirst writing attempt: The King comes across a cottage far away from the local shifter village. Upon discovering the woman living there he demands an explanation. <span><a name='more'></a></span><div><br />10/10/2013<br />[Need world building with werewolves as part of everyday life]<br /><br />The King came across a beautiful cottage. It was surrounded by a vegetable and herb garden and much too small for any of the wolves in the village. <br /><br />He knocked. No answer. <br /><br />He knocked again. <br /><br />Unbeknownst to him [the King], the watcher had gone to get his alpha. Upon hearing where the King was headed, he [the alpha] shifted and raced towards the cottage. <br /><br />The King was just [opening the door to] enter[ing] the house when a tiny human came around the corner. Just as he [the King] was about to demand who she was the alpha arrived. Coming at her [Racing toward her at] full speed [and] [the alpha leaped over her,]shifting midair. He landed slightly in front of her, crouched aggressively. She put her hand out to calm him, unsure [of what he was so upset about] [what had him so upset]. <br /><br />"Who is she?" demanded the King. <br /><br />The alpha growled and started to size up the King. The watcher who had been keeping an eye on the exchange ran to get the pack doctor. <br /><br />"She is ours" growled the alpha [changing back to human form]. <br /><br />"Ours?" questioned the King, "there is no ours. Is she someone’s mate? Why is she here separated from the pack village?" The King wasn’t convinced. <br /><br />"Ours, she belongs to the pack" claimed the alpha. <br /><br />"A single person can’t belong to the pack, either she’s a healer or a mate. Which is it?" proclaimed the King.<br /><br />"She’s our mate" replied the pack doctor. He headed towards them, [reaching out to hold] [holding] the woman protectively to his side.<br /><br />" ‘Ours’ as in she’s mate to more than one wolf? How is that possible?" demanded the King.<br /><br />The alpha [pulling her forward to stand at his side] and pack doctor [looked down smiling] [smiled] at the tiny human as they remembered what took place two years earlier. <br /><br />Two years earlier…<br /><br />Tired after finishing up the last patrol and ready to head back to pack lands, the beta’s head jerked to the right. <br /><br />"You ok there, Beta?" questioned the alpha. <br /><br />"You smell that? It smells delicious" replied the Beta heading towards the bar. The pack doctor looked at the beta like he was crazy. <br /><br />"That place smells like sweat, stale alcohol and urine. What is delicious about that?" <br /><br />"I swear it was coming from over here" said the Beta. He cocked his head to the side as if hearing something. He snapped to attention and started stalking towards the bar. Shrugging, they followed him, grimacing at the smell emanating from the building. Just as they reached the door they saw her. <br /><br />She was tiny, couldn’t have been more than 5’1" with long auburn hair. It was obvious that she was trying to get away from the guy who was with her. She tugged on her wrist trying to get away. This brought a growl to their throats. <br /><br />Startled, they looked at one another. Shrugging it off for later, they stalked towards where the tiny being [whose struggle was calling to them] stood [that was calling to them]. <br /><br />"Is there a problem here?" demanded the alpha.<br /><br />"Get lost" sneered the man without taking his eyes off the girl. <br /><br />"How about you ‘get lost’, it’s obvious that she doesn’t want to leave with you." The alpha was having trouble keeping his wolf in check now that he was next to her. She did smell delicious. He really wanted to take a bite. <br /><br />Finally, the guy looked up, seeing he was surrounded by three massive guys, all [who looked] [looking] ready to rip his head from his shoulders. He shoved her at [one] [them] and stomped off, [anger] [rage] in his every step. The pack doctor caught her fall and drew her up against him, nuzzling her neck and shoulder. <br /><br />"Thank you" she said softly as she subtly tried to wiggle out of his arms. <br /><br />"What’s your name, sweetheart?" asked the beta coming around to her other side. <br /><br />"My name is Violet. Um, could you release me please?" she was starting to feel a little claustrophobic. <br /><br />"Now see here’s the problem with that, sweetheart" started the alpha [coming to stand in front of her] "It seems that all our wolves think you smell delicious"<br /><br />"I’m not sure that’s a good thing." She started to look worried. "You’re not going to eat me are you?" <br /><br />"Oh, we’re gonna eat you all right, and you’re gonna love every second of it" smirked the beta. <br /><br />"Let’s move this to someplace a little more private, shall we?" commented the pack doctor. <br /><br />"Did you drive here, sweetheart?" questioned the alpha. <br /><br />"My car is over there in the parking lot" she started to turn to head towards the car, thinking if she could get to it she could go home, hoping they wouldn’t be fast enough to follow. <br /><br />"Good. I’ll drive" replied the alpha. They all piled into the [her] car and headed back to the village. <br /><br />Back to the Present<br /><br />"Ok, so she’s mate to you, your beta and your pack doctor?" questioned the King, skeptically.<br /><br />"Now that’s where it gets complicated" replied the alpha. <br /><br />"What do you mean complicated? She’s either your mate or not" snarled the King, getting tired of the non-answers. <br /><br />"Well she’s more than just my mate or even mate to the pack doctor here. It seems that she is mate to all of our pack" the alpha explained. <br /><br />"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" snapped the King. <br /><br />"When we first brought her here, we introduced her to the pack, letting them know we had found our mate. Well that caused such an uproar that night that we started demanding to know what was the problem. It seemed that after introducing her all the unmated males were scenting her as a mate, not just any mate, but their mate" the alpha tried to explain. "We put her in the cottage and sat down to talk about it. We sent the females in to welcome her and make her comfortable."<br /><br />"I’m surprised they didn’t rip her to shreds, her being a human and claiming the top three males" censured the King.<br /><br />"See that’s the thing, the females love her. The treat her as the alpha female" replied the pack doctor. <br /><br />"Had you mated her before you introduced her to the pack?" said the King, thinking this explained it.<br /><br />"No, we presented her to the pack as soon as we got back to the village" replied the alpha.<br /><br />"WHAT? You brought an unmated human and presented her the pack as your alpha female?" demanded the King.<br /><br />"She’s something special" smiled the alpha.<br /><br />Hearing the [yell of the King] [King's yell] come from the direction of the cottage, the matriarch called over one of the teenage girls. "Can you watch the kids?" she asked. Leaving the children to play, she headed over to the cottage.<br /><br />"What is going on here?" she demanded. "We can hear you all the way to the village. You’re frightening the children" she scolded. Taking in the group she saw the alpha between the King and Violet and the pack doctor holding her protectively. She shook her head. "Violet dear, can you come here please" she asked. <br /><br />Violet patted the alpha and stroked the pack doctor’s arm. "Let me go see Ellen" she whispered.<br /><br />"Fine" sighed the pack doctor, letting her out of his arms. <br /><br />Ellen hugged Violet and asked her what was going on. "Well I was picking the herbs in the garden when I heard a knock. I came around the side of the house and this gentleman was trying to go in my house. Just as he noticed me, Cade showed up [in wolf form] and growled at him. Not more than a few minutes later, Jack showed up and they have been discussing how I came to be with the pack. To be honest, I’m surprised [beta] [Sam] isn't here already." She whispered to Ellen. <br /><br />"He would have been if he wasn't all the way across pack lands; however, don't be surprised if he arrives here soon. I can hear him now, making his way over."<br /><br /><br />12/10/2013<br />A werewolf queen comes but once every thousand years. This human woman you are hiding is her. Packs are always stronger led by a queen. Others will try to kill her when they find out. Others will try to steal her and force her to mate. The stronger rules those who are weaker. She is the most powerful, not be cause she is strong, but because any can breed her. Usually when she is born, she becomes mated to the king. The king then allows the unmated alphas to visit and sire their heirs with the queen. <br /><br />The alpha growled at the king "no way are you taking her," he narrows his eyes, "especially [to be used] as a breeder". The alpha's eyes flash yellow, "you speak as if she should be your whore, not a [cherished] mate."<br /><br />"She is not my mate, yet. I simply state what has been done in the past. It has helped to keep the bloodlines, strong and pure."<br /><br />"If that is the way you think, I will not allow you to take her. You deny her proper matehood, therefore, she will never be yours."<br /><br />"And when she needs more than what you can give her," questions the king.<br /><br />"I will meet with the other alphas, wearing her scent. Their reactions will determine friend or foe. Those who are accepted by her will become allies. None, but ourselves know what she is." <br /><br />"She has chosen those who are not alpha," the king points at the beta and pack doctor.<br /><br />"After the alphas return to their territories, we will visit and watch for other candidates."<br /><br />"You would be okay with sharing her with so many," the king queried. "Who would be her mate?"<br /><br />"I did not say it would be easy," snarled the alpha, "all decisions are in her hands."<br /><br />12/8/2020: [Edits]<span><!--more--></span><span><!--more--></span></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-25981405736183201802020-12-08T17:54:00.004-07:002021-01-09T18:02:54.552-07:00Prompt: A vampire (a preacher), werewolf (a teacher) and a witch (a sheriff) walk into a bar<div>2/18/2020: Prompt</div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div><br /></div>12/8/2020:<br />Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, huh. Such is the story of our lives. The vampire was a man of God turned by accident as he was trying to help those on a battlefield of a long since forgotten war. The werewolf is a teacher for our small town, like many of his kind, hiding in plain sight and taking long fishing weekends each month with his long time buddies. Me, you ask, I'm the sheriff, meeting my buddies for a drink at our local watering hole on a rare night off. But you're a witch, how can you be a guy? Doesn't that mean you are a warlock? <br /><br />Warlock, pah, those bastards are why I'm the sheriff in the first place. Those low down, power stealing, murdering bunch of lowlifes are who I protect this town from. Never, ever call a witch a warlock, them be fightin' words right there. Witches are attuned to nature and protectors of all living things. We heal if we can, protect where we are able and put down what we must. Often times, we work in positions where we can use our gifts on the down-low. Nurses, police, landscapers, nursery store owners; anywhere we can help out without to much attention. But enough about who and what I am, you were wondering what the three of us were doing together, weren't ya?<br /><br />Well, it all started about a week ago...<br /><br />Now normally, the different races don't mix, they each got their own hierarchy and they tend to police their own. We, the town's police (a mix of supes and humans), really only get involved when rogues are on the loose and the humans start going missing or turning up dead. Yes, the humans in the town know about us. It's hard to keep a secret in a small town like this, even harder when there are only 3 of us on the police force and your human partner stumbles upon a rogue vamp draining a victim. Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-57987984858071995662020-12-08T17:51:00.009-07:002021-01-09T18:00:38.161-07:00Prompt: Little Red Riding Hood where the wolf wins <div>2/18/2020: Prompt</div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div><br /></div>12/8/2020: <div>Wolf is her mate, stalks her on the way to grandma's house. She is returning from selling the goods at the market. They (grandma/Rose) often make money by making tinctures and herbal remedies from the plants in the forest<br /><br />The woodcutter is the "bad guy", murdering any wolves he comes across in the forest. This is done in revenge for a rogue wolf raping/impregnating his beloved wife. As it was too dangerous to abort, the woodcutter gave away the baby, who was raised by the grandmother, his wife's mother. His beloved wife passed away giving birth to the wolf's "monstrous" offspring, a beautiful baby girl with bright red hair.<br /><br />The woodcutter often watched little Rose as she grew. Tormented by the fact that she with each passing year she looked more and more like her mother, his beloved wife, all except for that blazing red hair. That she inherited from her father, the wolf. </div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-82775880549516279902020-12-08T17:32:00.001-07:002021-01-31T17:46:13.359-07:00Updated: Evernight Halloween Party Prompt from Tiffany TruittPrompt: Something in the closet was making a strange noise, so I opened the door...<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
10/31/2014<br />
and peeked in. Seeing nothing but clothes and shoes, I shake my head. My mind must be playing tricks on me. That's what you get for watching that Halloween movie marathon, idiot. Walking back to the front room, I flip off the TV and headed upstairs to bed. "Such a scardy cat," I sigh. Too busy castigating myself to pay attention, I wander down the hall to my bedroom.<br />
Suddenly, I crash into something tall and solid. What the...<div><br /></div><div><div>12/8/2020:</div><div>Looking up, all I can see is a dark shadow, backlit by the moonlight shining through the window. I open my mouth to scream. Quickly, a hand covers my mouth, preventing any sound from escaping. He spins me, wrapping his other arm around me. Bending to my ear, he whispers, "Trick or treat, little morsel" as he sinks his fangs into my neck. </div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-78349081351174950902020-12-08T09:11:00.000-07:002021-01-09T18:05:39.009-07:00Updated: Jared & MaryAnn<span lang="">First writing attempt: Jared and MaryAnn are shifters living on a planet prejudiced against them. As MaryAnn is trying to get home one night, after dark, she is captured by Jared the captain of the guard.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span lang=""><br />10/10/2013<br />
<span lang="">The girl sat quietly hoping not to be noticed, knowing if she could escape detection for just a little longer the danger would pass. Blending was a way of survival for her people. Detection lead to slavery, degradation. The males of her species were used as gladiators in the sports arena; fed scraps and forced to fight to the death against their own - a horrifying, soul destroying way of life. The females of her race, if caught, fight to the death rather than surrender to their own fate - slaves, sexual toys in the most hardcore of whorehouses.<br />
<br />
A worse fate awaited her, the captain of the guard had taken to watching her. His interest endangered not only her but her entire family. Her beast's longing for her mate was demanding but the human side understood that non-shifters didn't always feel the bond, couldn't accept their mates. When he tired of her, he would pass her amongst his men, a toy to be taken out and shared among others. Her beast would not stand being passed among his men, she would fight and many guards would die. The retaliation against her family would be swift and merciless. Knowing her mate was so close but unable to go to him, her heart ached with sorrow.<br />
<br />
Silently, she stalked through the shadows, slinking throught the alleyway. "Where do you think you're going, little girl?" Jared's hand covers her mouth before she can react. "Did you really think you could get passed me undetected, MaryAnn? You know the dangers of being out so late, yet here you are. You're mine now." She can feel his possession wrap around her as he breathes the claiming words in her ear, dragging her farther into the shadow of the buildings.<br />
<br />
He called out to his second-in-command, "Take over, I'll be back in the morning." Turning back to her, he hissed, "Stay silent until we reach my home." Upon arrival at his home, Jared released her. "Call your parents. Let them know where you are and that you've been claimed." Still in shock, she walked over to the console and activated the video chat. "Call MaryAnn's house," she hears over her shoulder. Upon answering, her mother takes in her surroundings, including the tall man behind her with his hands on her shoulders. As her mother pales, Jared states, "I need to speak to your mate".<br />
<br />
At these words, her mother goes ghostly white and rushes off to get her husband. MaryAnn sees her father come to the screen, his face resigned.</span></span><div><span lang=""><span lang=""><br /></span></span></div><br />12/8/2020 [edits]<br /><br />"So you are finally claiming her" her father said resignedly. Softly, her mother started sobbing. <br /><br />Jared looked at her father, "You knew this day would come, she has been mine since she turned 16. Be grateful I waited as long as I did. You got her for the first 18 years of her life. She will be mine from now on."<br /><br />"Can we at least send her things?" her mother asked, tears trailing down her face. <br /><br />"Not to my place in the city" Jared replied "Send it to my country home. My staff will place it in her room there. Say good-bye to your parents, pet. It is time for bed."<br /><br />Softly, she turns to the screen, "Love you mamma; Love you papa." She reaches out and ends the call. Looking up at him, she asks "what now?"<br /><br />Stroking a finger down her face, he croons, "now you become mine".Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-19569488897787275882020-11-21T19:15:00.001-07:002021-01-31T17:44:17.588-07:00Chapter 12: The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron<p>Last chapter...</p><span><a name='more'></a></span><p>1. Write down any resistance, angers, and fears you have about going on from here.</p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>money</li><li>stress</li><li>work</li><li>family demands</li><li>sex</li><li>not being enough</li><li>not spending enough time with the ones I love</li><li>not having a plan</li><li>loss of vision</li><li>suicidal thoughts </li></ul><p></p><p>3. Note your Progress from the Core Negative Beliefs. Read your affirmations. Write some affirmations about your continued creativity.</p><p>Core Negative Beliefs:</p><p></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>I don't have good enough ideas.</li><li>I will do bad work and not know it and look like a fool.</li><li>I will never have any real money.</li><li>I will feel bad because I don't deserve to be successful.</li><li>I will have only one good piece of work in me.</li><li>It's too late. If I haven't becomes a fully functioning artist yet, I never will.</li></ol><div>Creative Affirmations:</div><div><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>There is a divine plan of goodness for me/my work. My creativity leads me to forgiveness and self-forgiveness. My creativity always leads me to truth and love.</li><li>As I listen to the creator within, I am led. As I listen to my creativity, I am led to my Creator. </li><li>I am a channel for God's creativity so my work comes from good. As I create and listen, I will be led.</li><li>Creativity is the Creator's will for me. Through the use of my creativity, I serve God. </li><li>My creativity heals myself and others. I am allowed to nurture my artist.</li><li>My dreams come from God and He has the power to accomplish them.</li><li>I am willing to let God create thru me. I am willing to be of service thru my creativity. I am willing to use my creative talents.</li><li>I am willing to experience my creative energy. I am willing to let myself create. I am willing to create. </li></ol></div><p></p><p>6. Select a God jar. Something to put your fears, your resentments, your hopes, your dreams, your worries into.</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>stay at home mom</li><li>working from home</li><li>writing poetry</li><li>writing paranormal romance</li><li>surrounded by people who love me</li><li>cook for lots of people</li><li>share love by taking care of others (life of service)</li><li>organize others as a career (life counselor)</li><li>accounting/finance class (budgeting)</li></ul><p></p><p>7. Use your God jar. Start with your fear list. When worried, remind yourself it's in the jar - "God's got it". Then take the next action.</p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Apply for a job that pays better, with better hours (DDD SC)</li><li>Work on communication with family</li><li>Take personal time to recharge at least once a week - alone or with a group</li><li>Take classes to improve myself</li></ul><p></p><p>8. Honestly, what would you most like to create? Open-minded, what oddball paths would you dare to try? Willing, what appearances are you willing to shed to pursue your dream?</p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I want to be the center of my home and create a place that people want to come to, a place to relax and recharge. I want to feed people and show my love through the ways that I take care of others; a life of service.</li></ul><p style="text-align: left;">9. List five people you can talk to about your dreams and with whom you feel supported to dream and then plan.</p><p></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Melody</li><li>Katerina</li><li>Matthew</li><li>Sabrina</li><li>Skye/Luckie</li><li>Syoko</li></ol><p></p>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-86530506334721945692020-10-25T13:16:00.002-07:002021-01-31T17:44:01.951-07:00Chapter 11: The Artist's Way by Julia CameronSo another week, another chapter...<br />I'm learning a lot and working thru some blocks. Hopefully, this will help me grow as a person and a creator. <span><a name='more'></a></span><div><div>Key: * = assigned tasks for this week<br /><br />*Task 6: List 5 ways you plan to nurture yourself in the next 6 months: Courses, Supplies, Artist's Dates, and Vacations.<br /><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Work on scrapbooks</li><li>A trip to Bookman's with a stop at Java Juice</li><li>2 week vacation (reduced stress)</li><li>Try out new recipes (The Kitchen App)</li><li>Check out the Skill Share App</li><li>Plan a fun night with friends. </li><li>Plan a Halloween Bash for friends (and kids). </li><li>Plan a zombie boy birthday party. </li><li>Christmas shopping. </li><li>Plan a girl chick birthday party.</li><li>Chiropractic adjustment. </li><li>Massage. </li><li>Haircut.</li></ol><br />*Task 7: Plan 1 week's nurturing actions: one concrete, loving action every single day for a week!<br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Sunday: PJ day - relax, do nothing<br />Monday: Re-organized the freezers<br />Tuesday: Went shopping with girl chick<br />Wednesday: Listened to music with girl chick while on a drive; discover a new author <br />Thursday: Work on blog; downloaded Skill Share App<br />Friday: Took a nap; Creative Cooking<br />Saturday: Having friends over</blockquote><br />*Task 8: Write and mail an encouraging letter to your inner artist. Remember your artist is a child and loves praise, encouragement and festive plans.</div><div><br />*Task 9: Once more, re-examine your God concept. Does your belief system limit or support your creative expansion. Are you open-minded about altering your concept of God?</div><div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">My God concept is supportive of creative expansion. It is also pretty open-minded and although I haven't recently needed to alter my God concept, it has happened over the years.</div></blockquote><br />*Task 10: List 10 examples of personal synchronicity that support the possibility of a nurturing creative force.<br /><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Shuffle Playlist played "Almost Home" while I was on my way home</li><li>"Just the way you are" by Parmalee; "you are enough"</li><li>"The Father's House" by Cory Asbury; "no shame"</li><li>Seven Universal Laws - Character's reflection of self</li><li>Three different kinds of family</li><li>Caregiving job - took 10 years. I was able to be a mother before I re-focused on my career.</li><li>Indiana license plates; nostalgia</li><li>Writing - Published Poetry - encouraged to continue writing</li><li>Where Should We Begin? by Ester Perel; helped to process issues</li><li><br /></li></ol></div></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-32867764568216132992020-10-06T20:10:00.002-07:002020-10-06T20:11:12.080-07:00Sweet OblivionCrimson splashes on white porcelain,<div>Oblivion sings sweetly, beckoning me,</div><div><br /></div><div>Winter winds howl on cold, dark roads,</div><div>Seeping slowly into my bones</div><div><div><br /></div><div>Peace, silence, darkness</div><div>They whisper my name, calling me, enticing me </div></div><div><br /></div><div>Flying free only to crash into fiery oblivion,</div><div>Will this finally warm, my barren, frozen soul?</div><div><br /></div><div>The anchors that once held me snap</div><div>They are no longer enough to hold me</div><div><div><br /></div><div>The fog envelops me, numbness surrounds me</div><div>Drifting, swaying, unfettered, free</div></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-53647189549576091382020-10-04T17:50:00.002-07:002021-01-31T17:43:41.516-07:00Chapter 10: The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron<div>I am attempting to work with my sisters on The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. </div><div><br /></div><div>I came in late (they were on Chapter 9 when I joined them). This is my 1st Chapter to complete. Wish me luck. 😓</div><div><span><a name='more'></a></span></div><div>Task 1: The Deadlies (Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, Work, Money, Food, Family/Friends)</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>5 ways the topic has negatively impacted your life</li></ul><table border="1" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoTableGrid" style="border-collapse: collapse; border: none; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184;">
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</tbody></table><div><br /></div><div>Task 2: Touchstones</div></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>List things you love. Post them where you can see them.</li></ul><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Being organized</li><li>Being creative</li><li>Being productive</li><li>Color</li><li>Abstract/Realistic art (i.e. Mandalas)</li><li>WoW/Spending time with Friends</li><li>Role Playing/Writing</li><li>Thinking Games (esp. Winning)</li></ol><br />Task 3: The Awful Truth</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>What habit do you have that gets in the way of your creativity?</li><ul><li>Procrastination</li></ul><li>What do you think might be the problem? (It is.)</li><ul><li>Procrastination: Being unmotivated/lazy/tired.</li></ul><li>What do you plan to do about the habit/problem?</li><ul><li>I don't know. I tend to schedule things in order to remember them. Perhaps add it to my schedule?</li></ul><li>What is your payoff in holding on to this block? (If unsure, ask a trusted friend.)</li><ul><li>Don't have to work on it. Can't fail if you don't try. Don't have to find time in my already busy day.</li></ul><li>Which friends make you doubt yourself? (Self-doubt is yours, they trigger it.)</li><ul><li>Family</li></ul><li>Which friends believe in you/your talent? (Talent is yours, they make you feel it.)</li><ul><li>Friends</li></ul><li>What is the payoff for keeping your destructive friends? ("I like them", Why?)</li><ul><li>They are part of my life. I don't want to lose them. </li></ul><li>Which destructive habits do your destructive friends share with you?</li><ul><li>Laziness, Procrastination, Avoidance</li></ul></ul><div>Task 4: Setting a Bottom Line</div></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Boundaries: 5 most painful behaviors</li></ul><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>I will hold people accountable.</li><li>I will not...</li><li>I will not...</li><li>I will not...</li><li>I will not...</li></ol><div>Task 5: Cherishing</div></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>5 small victories</li></ul><ol style="text-align: left;"><ol><li>Talked to the hubby to sort some issues</li><li>Updated my work schedule</li><li>Played WoW with a friend</li><li>Cleaned up/organized our closet w/ hubby</li><li>No one called during my on call night</li></ol></ol><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>3 nurturing actions</li><ul><li>Organized/Transferred writing to blog email</li><li>Wrote Blog Post </li><li>Tried a new recipe</li></ul><li>3 comforting actions</li><ul><li>Played WoW with my friend (role playing)</li><li>Read books this week</li><li>Took a long, soaking bath</li></ul><li>3 self-promises (Keep Them!)</li><ul><li>Take some time for me.</li><li><br /></li><li><br /></li></ul><li>Do 1 lovely thing for yourself each day this week.</li><ul><li>Sunday: Played WoW with a friend</li><li>Monday: Left Work on time</li><li>Tuesday: Stayed in comfy clothes for most of the day</li><li>Wednesday: Slept in for an extra hour</li><li>Thursday: Applied for FFCRA (2 weeks)</li><li>Friday: Played WoW with a friend</li><li>Saturday: Taught daughter to play WoW</li></ul></ul><div><br /></div></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-6843489921853520292020-10-04T16:04:00.003-07:002021-01-31T17:43:29.209-07:00Where Should We Begin? by Esther Perel: Speak to me in FrenchRecently, I have been struggling with life. #lifehappens<div>I recently heard about a podcast: Where Should We Begin? by Ester Perel.</div><div style="text-align: left;">I started listening to the episodes and this is what I've gotten from this episode:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span><a name='more'></a></span></div><div style="text-align: left;">Any time I tried to have sex with him, I feel like I'm forcing myself.<br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Sex is hard. There are so many hang-ups and expectations that are associated with the idea of sex. </div></blockquote><p></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;">A different story, breeds hope, give a sense of possibility. You need a new perspective or else; it has no movement and that just increases your hopelessness. <br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Talking about the same topic over and over with no resolution doesn't help. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. In addition, each time the topic is brought up, there is less and less progress or discussion and more and more complaints and frustration talking. "We talked about this before and we're getting no where"; "Not this discussion again"</div></blockquote><p style="text-align: left;"></p><p></p><div style="text-align: left;">Blindfold - hear but not react to visual.<br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Often we react to visual cue more than the words. Communication is 90+ % nonverbal. It makes a difference when you are talking to someone, when you can't react to their body language. You have to listen to what they are saying and take it at mostly face value. You can't make assumptions based on their body language. </div></blockquote><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Roleplay - don't need to understand the words, just sense the energy.<br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Sometimes you don't need words, just feeling part of the moment/action is enough.</div></blockquote><br />Roleplay - part of you, if you can play him, he is part of you.<br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">Roles/Toons/Characters, they are not a divided you, they are a part of you as a whole.</blockquote><p><span>If at any time it stops feeling like play, we stop.</span></p>I want the role to talk to me but, I want safe, familiar hubby to hold me while the role participates.<br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">I want different, sexy, outside the normal who we are but I don't want it all the time. I want to have a safe space to explore a more fun side of me. </blockquote><br />When you are acting your role, you grip my hand differently.<br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">When the role is part of you, who you are, you react based on the character. You meet the expectation of the goal, including changing speech and/or body language.</blockquote><br />"I always wanted to have that for you, you can be in charge so I don't have to be"<div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">It's hard, especially when you are a take charge person or strongly independent to depend on others, but it is especially enticing. Being the responsible one all the time is exhausting for some people. While I relish being competent, I don't necessarily want to be in charge. However, it is hard to trust and follow people who are not reliable. If I can't trust you to do the right thing, I can't follow your lead. </div></blockquote><br />"I became part of the movement because it was a place of safety...a source of friends"</div><div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">When you are outside of what is considered "normal", validation is everything. Being different is hard and when you suffer from trauma related to that, validation is necessary. "I am not a victim, I am a survivor. I have overcome the sin, the stain, the humiliations, etc. It doesn't run my life anymore". But a part of it will always leave its mark on you. Scars heal but they don't disappear. </div></blockquote><br /></div><div>"You Good, Role Bad"</div><div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">I think for me, it is more backwards. "Me bad, Role good" or more particularly, "Me weak, Role strong". When it's me (trying to have sex) and I'm not in the right headspace, it's hard. It's awkward. When I can change into a role or different headspace, I can freely accept what is happening. I'm powerful not giving in for the sake of peace or guilt or to avoid the argument/nagging.</div></blockquote><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Part of why the girls like the "bad boys" is because they can take care of themselves perfectly well, thank you, frees her from having to be responsible or take care of him. </div></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">While I love taking care of people, so much of my life is centered around taking care of people. I want a partner who can take care of me, take care of things when I can't. If I want to be weak or take a break or just be me (a person) and not be mom, wife, etc. (a title), the world won't fall apart in my absence. I can have a weak moment and not feel guilty because I know the ones I love are still being cared for.</div></blockquote><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">"I'm too much, you can't handle me" - Not a him issue, that is a you issue that you've transferred on him. </div><div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">If I act more "me" around more than just my inner circle, they look at me like "who are you? and what did you do with the person who we knew?" It makes it hard to trust in others and depend on others when you can't be who you are or can only be part of who you are. </div></blockquote><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div>People tend to get stuck in their roles, their own view "how I see us". Long time couples can often answer for their partner. They already know what is going to be said.<br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">It's too easy to say, "I'm not going to ask because I already know what you are going to say" especially if you have been together for a long time. This inhibits growth and makes it hard to move forward on some topics, especially ones you have talked about before and if you didn't get the response you wanted when it was approached previously.</div></blockquote><br />"Can you not care...? Dance with me anyway." Can you love me for who I am? The parts of me that are not "normal", this is what I want you to love about me, I don't you to punish me for them or want to change them about me. </div><div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Too often we are hemmed in by other's expectations, others reactions to who we are. Strength is in being confident enough in yourself to be who you are without the approval from others. But when we pick a partner we want someone who loves us as we are. So can you love me, even the broken parts? </div></blockquote><p>There is no greater vengeance against sexual abuse, than to reclaim one's full sexuality.</p>"I touch you as I want to be touched, without the fear of being selfish, or being criticized. I touch you the way I want to touch you, I stay inside myself but I connect with you." <br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">I want but I don't know how to make that happen. I don't want to be in charge, I don't want to seduce because I don't have confidence that I can successfully do that. </div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>The transition from not hurting to enjoying. "While I desire closeness, there is another part of me that's like get the hell away from me. There are protective walls that are like, too much closeness, now you go over there." At any second the story can jinx.<br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">It's too easy to flip. I ask you for this and when you give it to me, I'm back in a bad place (a place of trauma). Getting over the hurt can be done but the protective walls created to lessen the pain need to be dismantled. Re-educating or changing the way that I react to my wants (shame, guilt, forced) takes much more.</div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>There is a war inside of my head: I want, I don't want, can I trust?</div><div><br /></div><div>Do you need your partner to acknowledge/make amends for past shaming/condemnation/etc.?</div><div><br /></div><div>Feels obligated to fulfill requests, even to the detriment of own pleasure. Doesn't take care of self, then loses interest in sex. </div><div><br /></div><div>Where does your sexuality start? Cuddling into sexual? Sexual from a place of mystery, anger?</div><div><br /></div><div>Allow the child to feel the pain but don't allow the adult to feel the pleasure. Use a code/phrase to bring me back to the present, out of the trauma. </div><div><br /></div><div>Overall Lesson: It's not just about moving beyond the trauma, its also about re-educating the person to accept the good.</div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-79396110363131019192020-09-26T18:52:00.024-07:002021-01-31T17:43:00.461-07:00Chapter 9: The Artist's Way by Julia CameronRecently, I am working on communicating better. <div><br /></div><div>One of the ways I'm doing this is having a weekly get together with family and/or friends. So, once a week, I chat with my sisters. Lately they have been working on The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. </div><div><br /></div><div>I expect it will be an interesting and insightful journey. </div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div>Chapter 9:</div><div>Weekly Goal</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Artist Date</li></ul></div><div>Monthly Goal</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Write something: review, scribble, blog post, role play, fan fic</li></ul></div><div>Yearly Goal</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>1 Blog Post per month</li></ul></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-71098013172027236622020-06-26T13:41:00.001-07:002020-06-26T13:42:37.611-07:00Camping Week 2020Break time!<div><br /></div><div>Every year we go camping in the summer. Spend some time together as a family and just take a break from all the ringing cellphones, email notifications and text message blips. </div><div><br /></div><div>This year it was more difficult than normal. We are all working from home and trying to fit in a trip means taking vacation at a time when most companies are running on a skeleton crew. *cue the guilt trip*</div><div><br /></div><div>In addition, we had to pack many things we normally wouldn't worry about...addition hand sanitizer, face masks, clorox wipes, etc. Plus with the current fire restrictions, its not safe to have a camp fire...</div><div><br /></div><div>"Does this mean no s'mores mom?!?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"No, that doesn't mean no s'mores."</div><div><br /></div><div>It just meant that we needed to be more creative and organized this year. It also mean being very careful and waking up at 1 and 3am to take the kids to the bathroom with masks on and clorox wipes in hand.</div><div><br /></div><div>Overall, a great vacation and a small break from the current craziness that is our lives during Covid. </div><div><br /></div><div>Take the break, even a small one, it makes a world of difference to your mental health. </div><div><br /></div><div>Back to the grindstone!</div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-77657930457814571252020-05-10T21:08:00.002-07:002020-10-02T09:52:11.712-07:00Quarantine UpdateStaying sane has been a full time job (in addition to my full time job, teaching my kids, dealing with the hubby and keeping up the house) so reading has been super important. I want to give a shout out to all the authors helping to keep me sane during this crisis! <div><br />Quarantine Reading List:<br />Release day reads whenever possible! <br />Discovering New Authors:<br />Loni Ree<br />Amanda Milo<br />Hope Ford<br />L Nicole<br />Tory Baker<br />Megan Wade<br />Lucy Darling<br />Mink<br />Luna Voss<br />Frankie Love<br /><br /></div><div>Reading Favorite Authors:<br />Jordan Silver<br />Alexa Riley<br />Sam Crescent <br />Sandra Neeley<br />Jessa Kane <br />Viola Grace<br />EA Hunt<br />Mary Goldberger <br />Tara Lain<br />Ella Goode<br />Penelope Bloom <br />Trinity Blacio</div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898140130858750286.post-2213917968606703612019-11-11T19:07:00.037-07:002021-01-31T17:42:52.270-07:00Where Should We Begin? by Ester Perel: Motherless Women<p> Recently, I have been struggling with life. #lifehappens</p><div>I recently heard about a podcast: Where Should We Begin? by Ester Perel.</div><div><br /></div><div>I started listening to the episodes and this is what I've gotten from this episode:</div><span><a name='more'></a></span><div>One wants to connect to their partner and the other wants to connect to themselves.</div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">At the end of the day I just want to be in an isolation chamber and don't talk to me.</div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>One half of the couple nurtures the couple, the other half of the couple nurtures the children.</div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span>I feel like life gets so busy the only time I have seems to be taken up with work, the house, children, etc. so when is it time for us?</span></div></blockquote><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span>Any asking is begging?</span></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span>This bothers me a lot. If you ask and I say no, then I'm the bad guy. But every time you ask, you are begging. I should just tell you no. I'm not a mind reader so how would I know what you want. I may know a lot about you because I listen and remember but I don't live in your head. I don't know what you think. </span></span></div></blockquote><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>I've never learned to ask but I don't really know what I want.</span></span></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span><span>It's hard to know what I want, it changes often. Even so, I am often not willing to ask for it as it doesn't feel worth the hassle or argument in order to get what I want. It's better to ask forgiveness than permission?</span></span></span></div></blockquote><div><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span>Today you can do this, send the caretaker away. You are a competent adult and do not need to be micromanaged.</span></span></span></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span><span><span>This is hard for me. I have a "If I don't do it, it won't get done..." mentality. I'm working on it by reminding myself that it will still be there tomorrow... (new mantra)</span></span></span></span></div></blockquote><div><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div><span><span><span><span>There needs to be space between how I am taking care of others and a space to have permission for my own needs. This creates a path for desire.</span></span></span></span></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span><span><span><span><span>As a mother, wife, worker, etc. I constantly feel guilty when I take time for me. When I started declaring I needed "me time" it became an issue that we fight over. Even months after starting a long term commitment (Thursday night is my night), I still get the squabbles about how this required time away is such a hardship on the family.</span></span></span></span></span></div></blockquote><div><span><span><span><span><span><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div><div>Stay away from numbers, there is no measuring. "We still have it"</div><div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">It is about the connection, not the schedule. Quality over quantity.</div></blockquote></div><br />Sexuality about loneliness, intimacy, connection, longing, connection. Lovers as well as parents.<br /><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;">It's not about the act. It's about the feeling. If you aren't feeling it, you can't give/act upon it.</blockquote><div><br /></div><div>Overall Lesson:</div><div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;">Don't forget to give attention to your spouse. Children will always need you but it's ok to say wait. </div></blockquote></div>Ninnian04http://www.blogger.com/profile/12341103623547844994noreply@blogger.com